@ Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Everyone knows bout my current life and situation.
And people who've taken my Facebook 'Know me Well' quiz. Majority had failed.
I guess it's time for me to say some of my stuff in the past, to know me well.
Unnecessary? Attract attention? Being too open to the strangers? It's okay.
I'm not shy to share anything bout myself.
I know there's many of my blog fans more than I can imagine.
But I know I'm not famous. I don't do this for fame either.
All my stories are gonna be linked to the internet.
Well, that's my life. I can say I'm the female version of Otaku.
So please bear with all these boring stories, if you think it is.
Just too bad, I had a boring life.
The stories below are not in sequence, some may happened inbetween few mentioned incidents, so don't get too confused. Just read it what it is.
Before all happened, I had a wonderful but not so wonderful memories.
They said 13 is the beginning of the real life, and I agree with that.
I had lots encounters, being 13.
A naive and innocent girl, entered to a new school, with new friends, with new people.
Being defensive to the open world, yet I trust a lot of strangers.
Started school life, it's my first week of stay there.
Our class entered to the school library.
Seniors were there sitting down, being forced to choose a book and stay at their seats for that full 30minutes.
Oh course, new freshies in the school.. who won't want to know who's the prettiest girl in the first year? Or who is the cutest guy in the new batch?
We walked through tables.
And this senior said out 'Eh, what's your name?'
My friend asked "Me..?"
The guy said "No, her." (Pointed out to me)
My friend just '........'
I just smiled shyly and walked off.
Oh, I do regret not saying out my name. I never even look at him. But I know he's someone not too bad, manly, it just feels there's a sense of security around him. I just can feel that, though I never see it.
As we walked into the library, I saw this guy, another senior, wore a rectangular specs, sitting on the library floor. Looked damn slack but he doesn't seems like one who slacks around. He looked up and looked at me and turned away.
I didn't really care. But somehow I know, he's gonna be someone I will know in the future.
I go online everyday. Day till night, going to channels and look though see who I can chat with.
Randomly, guys in my school channel just came to me for a chat.
And that's how I know the seniors in my school.
I was sort of that 'famous' in the net that people just entered the channel and type 'Is Wenting here?' in the channel main. No one replies and he just quit.
Of course, I do notice that. I didn't reply because I was the type who likes to play 'hard-to-catch'.
but I don't even know who the hell is that, so obviously I won't even bother.
After all these daily routine, I manage to know some seniors in person.
I told them my name, my class, etc etc.
And one particular day, I finished my exam paper in the morning and a group of guys called my name out. I was like 'what the heck is that?'
They know how I look like now. Strangely, I don't know how.
I think they managed to ask around.
I spotted one guy who was in the same class as them. He don't look handsome.
Not at all. But he do gives me a special feeling when I first saw him.
I was quite a sporty girl those years. Can't imagine, don't you?
I run, I do sports, I play badminton, bla bla bla.
And whenever I'm not doing any sports, I'll just sit around at the canteen after school and watch those sports players practicing.
Oh yes, there he was.
That guy I ever saw with those few bunch of people.
I always saw him turned and looked at me, and then turn away.
Weeks by weeks, I observed him almost a couple of months.
I don't know his name at all.
I don't dare to apprach him or even talk to him.
But I was lucky that my own classmate knows him and I heard their conversation and manged to know his name when she called him from afar.
One particular night, someone private messaged me in mIRC.
It's someone who used his name.
I know it's him.
But I just act that I don't know it's him until he asked me if I know who is he.
I was so damn nervous till it take me damn long to think what should I reply him, even if it's just a sentence. Oh yeah, the sweaty palms too.
He told me he came online, just to look for me, just to know me more, just to ask for my number.
I was shocked.
I know he's not the type that goes online.
He went off after a short while.
And we begin to sms each other.
Say Hi when we see each other in school.
Talked a few sentence, but not too much.
I didn't know how he actually felt bout me.
It's the last day of school for that term.
The next day is the start of the term break.
He sms-ed me and sort of asking me a question.
Not too direct, but I know what it actually meant.
I said I'll consider and I told him I'm leaving soon.
He asked "Leaving to where?"
I replied "I'm going to Australia for vacation"
He didn't know that I mean 'Soon = That same day' when I said 'I'm going off now. I'll chat with you when I'm back"
He was shocked "Now? Today? So soon?"
I just replied "Ya, I'll be back. Take care."
He replied "I'll wait for you"
I had my trip there.
Bought him a few stones. I got nothing much to give.
Some chocolates, etc..
I came back 3 weeks later.
And sms-ed him "I'm back."
But... everything just feels so different.
He didn't manage to wait for me.
Not because he got a new one, but it was gone.
I cherish that much because it was the first time I ever felt in love.
I wanted to give him those stones I bought for him and everything.
And it was not necessary anymore.
Ended up I keep it myself and gave the rest of the gifts to my classmates.
That message was the last time I ever received.
Times just flies, he graduated at the same year.
He left without a word.
The following year, the seniors got to come back for results.
I was walking out of the school after my lass class.
From afar, I saw him walking towards the school.
We saw each other outside the gate.
And I asked "Do you still remember me?"
He replied "Ya, I know."
I just said "Take care, see you around."
And he nodded.
We just walked pass each other and we never see each other again.
That same year, it was hell to me.
I know someone know what's the story about.
It's about friendship.
I don't want to mention too detailed as it might affect some others.
But in summary, I was being manipulated and things just screwed up.
I neglected the most wonderful friend in life.
I went through nightmares.
I almost gave up music - in fact I got phobia with music that year.
Can you imagine you hate to goto school just because you don't wish to see your friends?
I know some of you do feel it.
You wanted to quit because you can't take the peer pressure.
They are the ones who ruined your life.
But i do get other peers who encouraged me to continue on.
Not my classmates but people who I loved.
He was one of the top rank in the school's NCC.
3 years apart from me. I feel distant yet so close.
Everytime during the school morning assembly, he was the one who shouted the command.
I was still in Secondary 1, so the area where I stood is the first few classes of the whole school, which is near to the commanding area.
And you know, students don't really sing the National Anthem during the assembly.
They think it's disgraceful.
I stood there, looking up at the flag, at the same time, my eyes just moved to where he stood.
He looked down and looked at me. We got eye contacted!
Feeling shocked, I looked away and then looked back again.
But it was the 'very dramatic schoolboy and schoolgirl romance story' kind of situation.
Every morning he will look down and looked at me.
Sometimes he give me funny faces at the spilt second when he think no one was looking.
Thinking back from now, I really love those moments. Pretty cute and sweet.
But we were never together. Not even once.
Probably we don't have the fate.
Even now, sometimes I do think where is he now.
I think he might be married to someone else, or probably busy working and having a good life.
Its seriously curious to know how are they now after not contacting for so long.
Because I do keep good memories of them in my mind and heart forever.
I just hope they do the same, not for any particular reasons.
But it's wonderful that people don't forget you, because you mean something to them in their life.
Good night people.
I shall continue more later or tomorrow.