@ Thursday, January 24, 2013
One and a half years ago, I've abandoned this blog and lead my own life.
I never expect I will log back in again and pen things down.
I almost forgot that blogger still exist. Check right in, my shout box is gone. (doesn't matter anyway..)
I don't know who are my readers now. Probably a fresh new random visitor who chanced upon my old post. But it doesn't matter anymore.
Anyway, it has been a good one and a half year. (oh, and yiruma classical songs are playing in my iTunes right now, perfect tune for a personal note)
I would say life started since one year ago. I met someone who re-spark my life again. I thought I wouldn't at the darkest moment of my life back then - it was self destructive. I found several interest that I never imagine myself to be into it.
I've spent many years traveling around and never been serious. Spending all the money and yada yada away and come back feeling the same. Until I went traveling with him (my loved one), I found the true purpose of it. I never want to visit those shopping districts again (okay, at least for sometimes to renew the wardrobe. It's getting crappy in fashion sense). I would prefer to visit the nature and find purpose in life through traveling. In months to come, I will finally fulfill the second hiking experience at Mount Bromo, which should be easy peasy after some experience from Mount Kinabalu.
It's true that you have to meet like-minded people to do get motivated. If you don't have friends who does the same, go find them. Fortunately, he is my motivation to get back to running. I challenged myself to join at least 9 events a year with 10K and half marathons. I'm still not prepared to do a full marathon as I have a weak knee after injuring through sports. Frankly speaking, I never like running when I was younger. It's quite an achievement to me as these are the things to keep me motivated in life. I started road biking after I got influenced by my good friends after they bought their roadies. Now, I'm into in for almost a year. Time seriously flies fast. Seriously does.
I walked out of my business which I've been doing for near 4 years. It wasn't easy to leave something you used to believe in especially doing it alone with freedom and without any restrictions. I faced fear, anxiety and stress to make a decision. It comes to a point that I have to make big decision again - to join back to employment society and have a stable job. I spent half a year hesitating, with self denial. After all I have to do it for my future as I have a couple of commitments to hold on. Nothing last forever, definitely. It will be amazing how I landed up with my current employment which I will start next month. It's honestly not easy when you have nothing on your resume and hope someone to believe in your ability through talking for 20 minutes from an interview. I bet self-employs do face this fear when it comes to leaping to a new career - it's something that you know you are more capable in but doesn't know how to show your true potential to a stranger - unless they are wise and experienced enough.
It came in by chance, opportunity, fate or probably luck. I join into the workforce at the airport for 3 months and got promoted. It's another tough choice again. No one ever like to take any responsibility. Most of us fear to take responsibilities. I never thought that I will be in this situation. Being used to work alone in the past doesn't have to fear for responsibilities. The only responsibility is me, myself and I. But in a company, the fear comes in when you know you can't fail badly. It's a responsibility for ownself and others. Anyhow, I took the opportunity. I learnt a lot for the next 3 months but I decided to jump out from that environment due to certain reasons. At first, I never thought I would hold on that long. The second thought was.. Why did I give up so early? But opportunity came knocking when one door was closed. It could be better. I can't tell that early yet. I know it's going to be a better year ahead but the fear and anxiety in me start to kick in. Because it's another job with even higher responsibilities. I thought I could just leave the previous place and start something afresh once again. Then again, probably something or someone just wants me to get right back to a position that I never believe myself to be.
I gave myself a month to prepare for it, and thats where and why am I penning down my thoughts at this timing. Partly this one month break is to strengthen my inner self for my future and my current situation. Maybe I have low confidence and self esteem. No one can really help me in this part and that's where I start to push myself. My problems with him starts to get worst. It has been on-going since I started my previous job. I used to blame the job and think I could find time to fix my life up. After I left, I realize it's not the job but myself. I started to think a lot lately. Why did all these happened? Then I realize it's all in me. My temper starts to get worse when things happened. I figured out, stayed at home for days with tears...
I start to keep my cool. It surely work. The saying goes "To change the world, you have to start with yourself."... And it's right. Never ever lose yourself just to change something. It will never work out. It has been a good and bad 3 weeks. Fulfilling weeks for myself I must say. What did I do? I did nothing but reading quotes and discover myself. And then I found a new interest in creating some quotes through iPhone apps and my photos taken when I travelled around (well, local and overseas).
I was thinking... Since I'm reading and sharing, why not I create on my own which those I believe in and share to others to inspire? And so.. this is how it all started since 3 days ago (picking out my favourites):
My friends told me to sell them. I told them... Just pay it forward. Never know someone who might need these and change their lives. It shouldn't be charged.
I will create a new instagram account just for these once I have enough to compile.
Remember people... If you think the problem lies in someone or something, think again. It's hard changing people but it's easier to change yourself where it's the only thing that you are in control.
I will share good news when the time comes.
Good night world. :)