@ Tuesday, May 13, 2014
About one year ago, I was struggling with everything. It's always nice to look back for awhile with all the things changed. Till date, I'm still struggling. (Lol, nobody get out of reality after all!) Well that's kind of inevitable as life is struggling for growth, right? But it's a different kind of struggle if you try to figure them out.
I'm grateful, truly do. With the amount of love, luck and hope which has given to me for the past year. I thought I couldn't make it with things but never knew I did something. Remember the time when I was suppose to head on with my 'Leap of Faith'? It never happened. And I never understood why it's the best decision when I know it suppose to be the best (and told it was the best) till recently after knowing the 'ugly truth' with certain nature of people. I'm really glad, or else I really don't know how to push the restart button and probably screaming my lungs out from China.
After since Ed left, I let go of everything. My whole worthless bagful which weighed a ton. I didn't dispose it off immediately but gradually. I shared my life to a roomful of members, probably 60 people on the floor. I shared my experiences during NDP and the things I learnt from Shirui, whom had passed after battling cancer for years. I shared many things and hope that will inspire someone out there. Even if I didn't inspire anyone but I hope it gives a little sense of hope to anybody even for a minute or a second.
The amount of "Yes" I've replied makes a lot of difference in life. Things which you might not expect it could happen on you bound to make some changes in you if you try to allow things to get in or pass through your life. (Sorry, bad structure here.)
I was seriously praying. Praying one day that my lucky one will appear right before me. With certain criteria, I thought I was just trying to mock some imaginary person in my dreams. There's this dying soul in my heart with hopeless thought that it wouldn't happened. But it all happened.
Vit came into my life is not by accident or pure coincidental. I never believe in coincidence. For some information, I know him from Skout. (Ah ha, yes Skout is the App where you mingle with desperados. Maybe I was one. Lmao.) Many people I have come across through that social app asked me what am I looking for. I told them the most naive answer in the world: To find a heart that loves me back. They said I'm wasting my time over there. But I always believe in this little theory.... If I have this mentality, someone out there will think something similar like me too.
Thinking that I was rather too naive, I almost gave up socialising and move ahead with life. But something stopped me to check back. And then this silly guy searching for someone probably to suit some imaginary perfection approached me. I told myself... I will never talk to someone younger than me. (Bad experience. Lmao.) But somehow I just give a little chance. I have no idea why.
We chatted and to my huge surprise, all the long Vit was just a couple of rows behind me for that past 4 months of NDP training. Yes, we are performing in the same item. I took a step back for a bigger picture.... Of all people in the world, why someone who has been near me for quite a while? Someone who shares similar religion views, and someone who is able to meet my so call imaginary criteria (ha ha ha).
Our first 'date' or meetup was not any ordinary dinner-movie thing. We went to a funeral to send someone special off. And after that day, we never stop trying to meet each other.
It has been a wonderful 9 months, which I told him that it's the same duration for pregnancy. (No link, trying to be lame.) I learn a lot about myself during this period. Because of him, I learn the difference in me between now and then. There are certain things I'm quite perplexed with myself. I learn so much about what a relationship needs from us. And I'm still learning.. Although there's still quite a handful uncertainties, but as long there's always a mentality of not giving up and the fighting spirit within us will work things out.
(To be continued..........)